debt relief counseling
Getting divorced, need advice.?
My wife and I have decided to divorce. I’m 42 and she is 40. We have two kids 6 and 2 years old.
It has been a very long road to this point. We have done hundreds of hours of counseling and have pretty much exhausted any hope of reconciling.
So far we have both been extremely calm and rational about how to divide assets and debts as well as custody. That part is surprisingly going very smoothly.
While I’m feeling relief that this dysfunctional marriage will be over, I am still feeling periods of depression and deep sadness that seem to sneak up on me now that we are finally following through. I absolutely adore our two kids and will miss having daily contact with them.
I’m looking for advice on how to handle the coming months. How to handle my children reactions and adjustments etc. I’m especially interested in the advice of those who have gone through a no fault divorce with kids.
Any help is welcome. Thanks!
While you’re not necessarily going to miss your spouse and especially the problems you’ve had…you’re going to miss “being a family”! I know…that’s the tough part! But give it time…you will start to realize how much the arguing and stress in your marriage was bringing you down and will before you know it feel like a new person. Helping the kids through the divorce is never easy though. It’s very very important to help maintain any sense of normalcy as possible! Their world is already going to be turned upside down by not seeing you every day so talk with your wife about this too! Meaning if they are in school or day care, it’s important that you do not change that….at least not right away….even if one or both of you move several miles away from your current home! They already feel like their losing one or both parents in a way, so you don’t want them to lose their friends or daily social activities either! See them as much as possible….even if it’s just to take them to McDonalds for an hour…perhaps if she wants to go grocery shopping or catch up on laundry. Talk to them every day for at least a few mintues. You always want to be civil around their mom in front of them, which it sounds like you are, but be careful not to give them mixed signals that you’re getting along so well that you might consider getting back together! This will hurt them worse in the long run! If the two of you will still be living in the same town, try to work out a visitation agreement that will allow you to see them a couple nights during the week and you can take them to school or daycare instead of just every other weekend! going two weeks cold turkey without seeing them will be very hard….but they can make it every two or three days.
I really recommending getting some books on how to deal with children of divorce…they’ve really helped me! They even make childrens books that discuss and explain divorce in a childlike story!! Try to divide their personal belongs somewhat too….of course they’ll want to keep most of their things at their mom’s house…but when they stay with you, you want them to still feel like they have a home with you and that they belong there and be comfortable. Obviously they won’t have two beds and two of every toy….but for instance, if Mom keeps the bed, they get to bring a TV or video game or their toy box to your house…naturally you wouldn’t send all the toys, but mom could get a “new” special toy box and they’d have the one they were use to at your house…sounds trivial I know, but you will realize it down the road. I went through this with my kids…they are older but say they feel like they’re staying in a hotel when they are with their Dad….nothing there really “belongs” to them…meaning it carries no memories or sentimental value! Just some thoughts to keep in mind!
